A bit of gardening...

Tonight such as many other nights before, I find myself lying here staring at the ceiling. Without a light nor a sound to bother me from drifting off gently into sleep. And yet it never seems to work that way. It seems like every time I lay down in my bed I seem to be distracted (Part of why I sleep better on the couch or even the floor). I sit and think about people mostly. Sometimes it's about a whole list of people and a lot of times it can be just about one person. Who it is that's weighing on my heart changes from time to time.

Lately there have been some things that have been troubling me at nights (and really most days). The biggest one for me recently is that I have been trying as hard as I can to go out of my way to be a friend to a few select people. And what really makes it hard for me is that they seemingly have no value in me, nor in really being my friend even though they say that they do. I guess what puzzles me is that as far as myself, when people are my friend I tend to go a touch above and beyond for them. Even if its simple things like telling them a real crappy joke from time to time (this is where I would usually tell my pizza joke...but I think its a bit too cheesy) or asking how their day is going (and genuinely mean it). So to not have any form or hint of that reciprocated back can be pretty confusing and frustrating...given the situation. Since I have been struggling with this for a little while now it's funny that I was reading the other day and oddly flipped open to, "Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit." There was a bit more to what I read but those words just kept jumping out at me.

I sat and pondered those words for a while that day. Eventually I came to draw a conclusion. My conclusion was that I am a gardener for my own tree. Such as so can only garden for and produce fruit from that tree...not others. My only goal is to produce good fruit to share with others in hopes to one day effect their fruit.

So maybe you're confused by reading this and maybe you're not. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I intend to just continue being me. I can do nothing to change anything other than to focus on doing and being the best person I can be to each person I encounter and every situation I face. Each and every one of you deserve the best from me every day...No Excuses! So in closing I hope you all have a great day and as always I wish you all only the best every day.

-Jesse